Just Another Day at the Office

Hi ho, hi ho. It was supposed to be a early tour for a group of high school kids from Louisiana. In my most recent incarnation as a tour guide giving the Ghost and Graveyard Tour in Oldtown Alexandria, I was scheduled to meet the bus at 6:45. As is often the case, the bus was late, caught in rush-hour traffic in D.C. We finally started a half-hour behind schedule. I gave a somewhat abbreviated tour, skipping a couple of stories, and finished up at Christ Church cemetery. We strolled back to the starting point at Market Square. At that point, the fun began.

According to a three-paragraph story buried in the middle of the Metro section of the Washington Post, two alleged gentlemen allegedly robbed an Arlington motel and allegedly escaped in an allegedly stolen car. Leading police in an alleged high speed chase (in Arlington? at the tail-end of rush hour? Hell, they just should have walked—would have made better time), the alleged suspects (this term was actually used by Fox “if it bleeds, it leads” News; film at eleven) made their way into Alexandria where they allegedly crashed their alleged vehicle into an allegedly parked car at Alexandria Town Hall (allegedly). One worthy hid in Alexandria Town Hall where he was found by alleged dogs and arrested (by police, not the dogs, although that does bring up an interesting mental image—“you have the right to remain silent; anything you say may be used against you and will result in a nasty bite”). The other guy stayed in the car and was arrested almost as an afterthought. The alleged suspects were held for bail without questioning (a direct quote--thanks again, Fox).

Meanwhile, I was leading my charges down King Street when sirens began to wail and multiply into a veritable symphony of hoots and honks. First one police car, then another, and another careened down the road, weaving around traffic, and blocking side streets. I began to think it was some sort of motorcade—maybe Obama was coming to Alexandria to make a speech or get a beer. I was about to make a comment (Tour Guide hint: when the primary visual object changes, change the spiel), when I noticed the cops swarming around Market Square, carrying shotguns and unholstered pistols. The tour bus was idling in front of Town Hall. A cop, red-faced from the oppressive heat, and holding a Glock 9mm, told me to get everyone inside. I told him the bus was just a half block away and he said he would get it through the barricade so the kids could board. He headed down the street, waving and shouting. The bus began to move, everyone boarded, and the bus rolled out of Alexandria in a haze of diesel smoke. As they loaded onto the bus, most of the kids remembered to say “thank-you.”